What do you notice changing as you age? I don’t mean physically, ’cause that’s expected, but what about you as a person has changed over the past five years? Ten? Twenty?
I feel like I didn’t really come into myself until my mid-30s. Before that, many of my big life decisions were made based on what someone else wanted or needed. Not all of them, and those that did focus on another person’s desires weren’t necessarily a bad option for me, but I was pretty go with the flow and, well, opinionless. “Sure, whatever you want” was often my response because I honestly didn’t care one way or the other.
But, oh…I have opinions now! As I grow into both my writing career and my own Taylorness, I notice that many of those opinions have to do with the limitations we (as a society) like to place on others. And I’m calling bullshit.
The latest one to set me off? Vilifying relationships with more than two heteronormative participants. I know, I’m getting all soapboxy, but I won’t stay up here too long, I promise. This will be a short venting session.
My thought process is this: I can love two parents, two step-parents, four grandparents (maybe eight grandparents if I have two step-parents!), three kids, one sister, two brothers, eight cousins, and three best friends, and yet I will never run out of love. Why, then, am I limited to falling in love with a single partner at a time? Or why do I get to be all judgey and contemptuous of someone who has two partners, or four?
Wouldn’t it actually be better to share your life with two people who are your soulmates rather than just being limited to one? (Also, that adds another person to help with chores, which is always a good thing!)
Of course, there are religions that prohibit marriage to more than one person, but there are religions that prohibit alcohol, divorce, birth control, caffeine, and cheeseburgers. Non-Jews don’t generally ridicule a Jewish person for abstaining from the combination of milk and meat, even if we love cheeseburgers. Non-Muslims don’t pick on their Muslim friends for not ordering wine at dinner. I haven’t met a single person who has said I’m a bad person or not worthy of their friendship because I’m divorced. So why in the world would we denigrate someone who has had the blessing to fall in love more than once?
Wouldn’t that just make your life doubly amazing? Maybe triply, if you’re lucky? You’d be the recipient of exponentially more love and caring! I’m not a math person, but I’m pretty sure that exponential love is a good thing.
Also, more hands to help with washing the dishes.
Also also, this article about open marriage is interesting and honest: http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/what-open-marriage-taught-one-man-about-feminism.html
What’s your soapbox? Vent it out with me!